So I kind of messed up the other day. I wrote an article breaking down the new Batman v Superman footage from Comic Con, and now Siri thinks A) I’m an expert at DC Comics, and B) that I’m going to do this all the time. Right off the bat, I need to say that I don’t know that much about DC. I’ve got nothing against them, and I generally like them, but I’ve always been a Marvel fanboy, so they tend to get the majority of my budget at the comic book store. But I do like looking needlessly close at trivial nerd nonsense, so why don’t you sit down, grab a drink, and watch .gifs I made for a franchise that I know next to nothing about! There’s no way this can go wrong!
First off, here’s the full HD trailer. Marvel at all it, in all its gritty glory.
Get it? Got it? Good.
We start off with our first look at Viola Davis as Amanda Waller. She and some military folks are at a classy, clean restaurant, discussing a possible new “team” she has put together. Appreciate the cleanness because its the last time you’re gonna see anything in this trailer that isn’t covered in thirty-four layers of grime.
Th military dude asks if these people have “abilities,” and Waller seems to almost have an orgasm when she says yes. She says that Superman’s presence might have brought all of the creeps out, and we see Cara Delevingne before she becomes the Enchantress.
Here’s the money shot! Our first look at Harley Quinn…all the way across that room. Huh. That was underwhelming.
Ok, there we go! Close up shot of her doing some upside down, hanging yoga shit. She’s all tattooed up and looking chill. This is also where the music kicks in. It’s a slowed down cover of “I Started a Joke” by the Bee Gees. Maybe a bit on the nose, but, eh, fuck it.
Ok, I don’t really know who Skull-Face, Match-Guy is. IMDb tells me that his name is “El Diablo,” and I’m just going to take their word on it. I told you I don’t know shit ’bout DC! Anyways, Harley reaches for the celing and we get a glimpse of her arm piece. Its pretty cute.
The Fresh Prince is punching shit in prison! I guess sending him to Bel Air didn’t keep him out of trouble forever.
Harley’s still just hanging, playing with her hair. We’re gonna get a lot of her in this trailer, aren’t we? Not that I’m complaining!
Oooo, Killer Croc in a Hannibal Lecter get up. Now that I think about it, Harley’s cage kinda looks like the cage that Lecter breaks out of in Silence of the Lambs. Interesting.
Harley asks Waller if she is the Devil. I’m guessing that Waller says something badass, like, “Oh no. I’m much worse than that.” Fuck, they should have let me write this movie. I’m sooooo firing my agent.
JESUS CHRIST! Giant Eyeball Face! You have to warn me before you do something like that, movie! Oh yeah, and Will Smith is dressed like a pimp from the ’70s, but that’s overshadowed by FUCKING EYEBALL FACE!
Here’s The Prince in costume as Deadshot. I think he’s like DC’s version of the Punisher, except more evil. I don’t know. He looks cool, I guess.
These might be the most important two seconds of the trailer. There’s a goat faced man, but he’s not important. What is though, is that we can see the Joker for the first time and he looks to be attacking a pre-Harley Quinn, Dr. Harleen Quinzel. So this might be a Harley Quinn origin story, telling how she went from a good doctor, to one of the worst of the worst. I am not against that.
Here’s more close-ups of Will and Delevingne, who is sitting in water, underneath a pentagram, because, ya know, she’s evil and magical and shit.
Harley might own the single ugliest pair of shoes in existence. Seriously, Crocs might look better than those abominations. Oh right, and the whole Squad is together for the first time, but who cares. Look at those goddamned shoes!!!
Willy-S drops some narration on us and gives out the title of the film, just in case we thought that these were the Great Lakes Avengers. By the way, we can all hope to see the Great Lakes Avengers in Marvel’s Phase Four
After a loving Father-Daughter hug, there’s Dr. Quinzel getting intimate with some Mystery Man, before we see Harley at her most stripper-esque. I actually really like seeing the transition of the character here.
Here’s a close up of an unmasked Killer Croc, and a good shot of Harley in her full get up. Her shirt says “Daddy’s Lil Monster”, and her bat says, “Goodnight.” She’s really into branding.
Masks! There’s a guy in a full panda bear suit, a dude who looks like he has a riot shield for a face, and some motherfucker wearing a Batman mask, because even the bad guys want to be Batman. Batman!!
Not much happening here. Katana draws her sword, and Deadshot point and something, which gets match-cut to…
…some guy leading the Joker through a lab of some sort. Harley says that someone is going to be in a lot of trouble, and then she licks her cell. She is in trouble of getting Hep C from licking that shit. Ugh.
This is another crazy interesting section. Katana puts her sword to Captain Boomerang’s neck (god do I love the names of DC’s villains!) and we get a shot of Enchantress in her costume. Then there’s a shot of Dr. Quinzel gagged and tied to a table, with the Joker looming above her. This looks to come directly after that previous shot of the two of them fighting. Finally, Katana looks distraught. Quick note here: although she gets a lot of screen time in the trailer, Katana is listed 22nd on the IMDb cast page. That’s kind of weird, don’t ya think?
This is Harley Quinn’s time to shine. All that hanging in her cage apparently leads to some Kung Fu madness, rides in a car, and giggles in some dirty hallway. El Diablo shows up again. Am I forgetting anything? Oh, yeah. THE GODDAMN BATMAN! Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na BATMAN!!
Finally, FINALLY, we get a look at everyone’s favorite super-villain, Slipknot. The trailer knew we came for him and it teased us for nearly two-and-a-half minutes before revealing him. Bravo on the suspense, guys.
Boomerang: “You know that they say about the crazy ones?”
Harley: “Huh?”
Joker (offscreen): “Ha Ha Ha.”
Yeah, that’s a pretty cool scene.
And with this we get confirmation: the new joker WILL have those grillz and godawful tattoos that we all saw in the photo a few months back. I’m more than a bit disappointed. This also appears to be a continuation of that first Joker vs Dr. Quinzel scene.
Quack. Quack. Quack! Quack! QUACK!
That moment of heroic unity is suddenly broken by the Joker yanking on a hospital lamp. Finally there’s Harley’s POV of the Joker, looking down on her and promising pain. The good news is that Joker’s ratchet character design fits with the overall slimy look of the movie.
Of the two DC trailers to come out of Comic Con, this is the one that get’s me psyched. Man of Steel did nothing to convince me that the DC shared cinematic universe was going to be any good, and the BvS trailers have not helped, but this could be the first sign that they are figuring it out. It looks fun and distinctive. Its keeping with the DC aesthetic, buy doesn’t look joyless.
And finally, this might suggest that we are getting our first female led comic book superhero movie a few years early, with Harley Quinn in the lead with massive support from Waller, Enchantress, and Katana, the three of whom outshone everyone except Deadshot. Who would have thought that Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel would have been beaten to starring roles by these gals? Anyways, I’m fucking excited!
